Thursday, July 03, 2008
9:23 PM
Its the 3rd day of the 40days of fasting and prayer... and i must admit that im having a rather hard time. i noe that God is breaking and moulding me. i want my faith to grow, and not lose it. ive been in my comfort zone for far too long and so, i prayed a simple prayer and allowed God to do anything in my life and i asked that he would change my heart during this 40days of prayer and fasting... surprisingly, on the first day of fasting, i got to noe some things tt made me rather upset and
angry. i controlled and told myself that everything was alright. But anyway, for the past 2 days, i had a rather good time with God (bt its not enough). the prayer guide was not bad... and even sitting in the classroom, i could feel God's presence. but today, it was the worst day so far. i didnt read the prayer guide during recess, or lunch break. i just left it in my bag and didnt even touch it. i felt really tired and restless. and today, gabbie came to my house because i needed to talk to her and ask her some things. i finally got the answer..... actually, me and gabbie laughed over it for more than a min. because, IT WAS SO SILLY!!! but, i got rather upset after that. because, i was VERY distracted by it and i dont know why!!! i kept thinking about it, even when i was having my quiet time. In the midst of praying, i will suddenly think about it and, i feel VERY disturbed and, frustrated!
anyway, about today, after gabbie went home, i did some thinking and i felt really miserable. i thought of just closing my eyes and go to sleep. but as i was lying on my bed, i didnt feel at rest at all. it was miserable, miserable AND miserable. infact, lying down seems worse. so i got up and started praying. i prayed for quite some time. and i held the prayer guide in my hands, but didnt open it until after a very long time. i have no idea why i was struggling to open it. now to think of it, i wonder why it was so hard opening tt book! anyway, as i read it, i was so touched by it. the words, it all spoke to me.
"Most of all, fast from anger. take ownership of the problem. its a character issue. commit to practise self control." UHUH! i see where God wants to change me now! i believe that after this 4odays of prayer and fasting, i'll see God's work in my life. everything, happens for a reason. and God has shown me the reason. so after that little time with God, i feel so much better now.
i was reminded of a sermon by tommy tenney, 'one night with the king'. it said that i dont need everyone to like me. because, i have favour with the king, my God. and if the king likes me, it does not matter who dont. and he said this very amazing statement:
"Dont let other's opinion set you hostage. BE SET FREE!" and the last thing that is on my sermon notes is...
"PRAISE GOD EVEN WHEN THINGS ARE NOT GOING RIGHT!"im Not just a believer, But a DISCIPLE!
