Saturday, May 09, 2009
11:09 AM
hello everybody! good morning. i suddenly feel like blogging so i came online... today my dad woke me up at 8.30am to go out for breakfast and i was so unwilling to wake up because i was so tired.... anyway, it has been a long long long long time since we go out to eat breakfast as a FAMILY. my sis went too, and it was a miracle.. maybe because tmr is mother's day and she wants to make my mum happy.
my dad is so funny today.... in the car, i told him that i feel like shitting... then he told us that yesterday he was waiting for my sister to end work and he wanted to shit... he was jumping and jumping and he wanted to go shit at the roof top of the multi storey car park or shit beside the rubbish bin because he cannot tahan already... then he hit his tummy.. he punch punch punch and punch it hard.. den he didnt feel like shitting anymore... he say its a very effective way... but i still felt like shitting after hitting my own tummy... my mum and sister went to the bank so i was sitting in the car with my dad and i told him my shit want to come out already.. so he quickly sent me home den went back to fetch them.. HAHAH! i went to shit at the toilet beside the swimming pool, so when i went back, they called me the "da bian mo wang"..
enough of nonsense.. back to serious stuff....
yesterday, we had cell... kelly shared a very interesting verse from Isaiah 43:18-19
"forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, i am doing a new thing! now it springs up, do you not perceive it? i am making a way in the desert and streams in the waste land."i shall just be honest, actually, i feel very disappointed in God and in myself. i dont know what i am doing, why am i doing, and what to do next. somehow, i am just lost in my own problems.. yesterday night, my dad came to fetch me from cell and i told him abt exams and that i am very pekchek already, so i told him not to expect me to get good marks. and my dad said " you trust in God right? just say a prayer and be calm" HA! i cant believe my dad told me that.
yesterday night, i saw eeling online and i told her "claudia needs prayer", so she told me to call her on the phone. i have reached the most ultimate point whereby i want to tell God "i want to give up everything. just let me go. stop telling me to continue." i dunno why i am so affected by the things that are going around me. i feel like i am wasting my time and everybody's time, and i was crying over the phone and i told eeling "God doesnt want to bless me!" and eeling asked me a question tt struck me "are u ready?"
seriously, i dont think i am ready. i need God to convict my heart that i really cannot do anything without him. i feel that i am relying more and more on myself and it is so tiring... i want to start everything again...
"if you focus on your problems, how can u focus on God?" how true...
yes, claudia needs prayer. thankyou.
