Monday, December 21, 2009
9:52 PM
THE YEAR 2009the year 2009 is ending soon... let me use this verse to describe it....
As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rain cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in zion. -Psalm 84I told eeling during the december holidays last year that the year 2009 would be an extremely challenging year for me and for her as well.. Lots of things to do. the fact that theres O levels already drained half of my energy... and then theres hospital ministry, open cell, church...... and i was thinking to myself... "why i so KPO find so many things to do? am i not busy enough?" i was actually quite worried if it would affect my walk with God because i was very certain that there would be alot of challenges to face... and i was right...
i think one of the greatest challenge i faced was the Good Friday speech. If you know me, i DONT like talking infront of big groups. i never expected myself to go up to talk abt something so sensitive, to the whole school. it was very difficult for me to do something like that, especially because few days before the speech, i noe that ppl were criticising it. My script was rejected 3 times. thats not the main thing. i guess because i heard of all the criticises, i was so upset that i wanted to tell miss haiza that i dont want to do it anymore. yes, i was scared... if before the speech, people are already criticising it, i cannot imagine what will happen after the speech. i was feeling so troubled for 2 weeks. But i knew that it was something that God wanted me to do. miss haiza finally accepted my script. shuwen told me that somebody cried at the parade square during the speech. i didnt say anything u noe... God was indeed with me.
also, it was extremely challenging to meet for open cell because of O LEVELS... everyone was busy and it was so difficult to find a time to meet... for the first half of the year, open cell was like rotting away... i guess because i was rotting. i didnt really noe what i was doing and what i want from the cell. i felt that i was wasting everybody's time. i finally came to a point whereby i could only seek God. i really cannot explain to you how disappointed and upset i was at that time when things did not go my way... and the disappointment of seeing ppl i love leave church was something i could not overcome. Infact, i blamed God for those things that happened. "why do God give and take away?" i felt like a fool.
I wanted to stop everything. At that point of time, i thank God that because of H1N1, no more hospital ministry. really thank God for that break. den i decided to stop open cell. den i decided not to care about anything. i didnt even feel like going for service. But everytime i went for service, God would speak to me... i realised that God allowed me to go through all that for a reason, and not to make a fool. i think i was like so crazy and depressed at that time... but i made a wise decision to seek God like never before. My quiet time lasted for more than an hour everyday, even if im extremely tired... i dunno how i did that.
Thank God for people like Eeling, Denise, Benson, Kelly and Shuwen who were always encouraging me. Especially Eeling, who would call me over the phone to pray for me in the middle of the night. there was once God woke her up in the middle of the night to text me a message.
After two months of break, i was all ready to start open cell again. open cell was soo different after that. things began to change.. after letting God take charge of everything, things went in place. We started to invite ppl too and the atmosphere was so different. Benson started to lead worship and different people would share every week. yeah its true.. when u start to rely on God, things change.
The valley of Baca is the valley of tears. after all ive gone through this year, i thank God for allowing me to go through the valley of tears. If i havent gone through all the pain and disappointment, i would not understand how great my God is. it took me such a long time to understand that if God doesnt do anything, nothing is done.
"In my spare moment, i loved to watch the huge carpet machines at work. As i stood in the back I could see huge spoons of yarn- dozens of them, of every conceivable colour - spinning rapidly as the yarn went into the machine. From the backside everything seemed to be a meaningless jumble of colours and noise. Nothing made any sense... When i walked to the front of the machine, however, an entirely different sight greeted me. There i could see carpet slowly emerging - row by row, all the colours perfectly in place, arranged in order as if by magic. But it wasnt magic at all. Someone had programmed the machine to take the tangle of threads and turn it into a pattern of exquisite beauty." -Richard Pritchard.i know that God takes all the messy threads, my messed up life, all the disappointment, all the pain, to turn it into something beautiful. All i can say is that God is so faithful...
MY GOD IS GREAT!
